locumstudentesquire | GEN. OPEN POST

[He can't stop himself from flinching, or prevent the sharp, surprised intake of air that sounds too loud to his own ears.

The timing is--it's perfect. He has no idea how long he was unconscious before he woke up, nor the exact date that he did, but he knows for sure it was mid-January. The similarities are simply too much: his physical resemblance, the timing of this Kazuma's death, his own memory loss.

It can't be coincidence. But the problem is: if he confirms Ryunosuke's suspicions, then there is no telling what he will do with the information. He doesn't know for sure what their relationship was. Even if he's as well-meaning as he acts, if he goes to the authorities--Stronghart could find out. And then it will all be over.

But at the same time... He can't let this lead get away. Ryunosuke is his only source of information about himself. How to keep him at arm's length, while still having him close enough to answer questions?

He covers his mouth with a shaking hand as his mind races. If nothing else, he needs to know how to find the man again.]

What's your name? [He's sure he can figure out the rest.]

[Ryunosuke can't help but flinch as well... Or at least, he sort of twitches excitedly, his eyes widening, the masked man's reaction being impossible to miss. So, the timing means something to him, then?! Surely that can't be mere coincidence!

More convinced than ever that this MUST be Kazuma, it's hard for him to remain collected. The evidence is mounting, emotions are swelling, but without seeing the man's face...

It's a matter of self preservation. After all the pain he's gone through, all the mourning he's done... He refuses to allow himself to truly believe it until he knows with complete certainty. Otherwise... He might well wind up mourning Kazuma all over again.

He stammers out his own name, fighting to keep himself in check:]

N... Naruhodo! Ryunosuke Naruhodo... And you...!

[Kazuma Asogi. Somehow, miraculously, it must be.]

[He jerks back again, but this time for an entirely different reason.]

You're--?!

[He has ears, of course, and Stronghart and van Zieks both seem comfortable discussing work in front of him on occasion. Ryunosuke Naruhodo, the surprisingly capable legal exchange student, was a not uncommon topic of conversation, though not one they have lingered on long enough for him to glean any information more useful than a name.

The coincidences just keep piling up tonight, it seems. He shakes himself. Naruhodo is still looking at him expectantly, and he can't give him the name he wants. He can't give him any name.]

I'll find you. [After he's had time to regroup and think over his strategy. It will even be easier than expected, with Naruhodo already having some connection with the prosecutor's office. Funny that.

But for now, he's wasted enough time here, and he doesn't want to give Naruhodo any more room to ask questions he can't answer. He turns to leave the alleyway right then and there, intending to escape before Naruhodo can even think to protest.]

[...That would probably sound like a threat to most people. Ryunosuke isn't bothered by it, but he IS about to poke a bit of fun at the guy for it, just as the masked man makes an abrupt move to leave.]

Eh--? H-hey, wait just a second--

[Alarmed, he starts to make a reflexive grab for the man's hand. It's partway through the motion that he realizes what a bad idea that probably is, his hand stuttering to a pause, half outstretched, as the strange man who almost-definitely-is-but-also-maybe-isn't Kazuma makes a swift exit.

He could give chase. He could demand answers. Hell, he wants to do both of those things; he's harboring enough confusion and distress on the matter that he's certain he's going to be awake long into the night trying to sort everything out... To say nothing of the lingering questions he has.

But as Ryunosuke watches the trailing end of the man's coat whisk around the corner and out of sight, he tries to settle himself around one thought: if that really was Kazuma, then... Well, it's only right that Ryunosuke uphold his faith in the bond of trust that exists between them. Right? Because that connection must still be there, no matter how worryingly strange and different Kazuma's behavior may have seemed. Ryunosuke just has to trust in his friend. Trust that answers will come when the time is right.]

Edited 2022-10-13 20:09 (UTC)

[Like it is in many other things 😔, Ryunosuke's trust would be misplaced here--he has no real intention of following up with the man any time soon. As much as he desperately craves answers, that will always come second to keeping his position in London secure. Until he knows for sure that Naruhodo won't pursue his curiosities with the authorities, he doesn't dare risk giving any more rope he could be hanged with.

He spends the next few days with his heart in his throat, waiting to see what Naruhodo does, dreading hearing that Stronghart has summoned him. It's enough that even van Zieks asks after his health, at which point he realizes he really needs to get a grip; fussing over what he can't control is hardly doing him any good. As long as Naruhodo says nothing--and it seems he will not--the real question becomes: Does Naruhodo know what he wants to do here?

What were they to each other? Could he possibly have trusted Naruhodo enough to have told him his mission? Could he have trusted anyone that much?

Probably not. At the very least it's not a gamble he can take yet. And so he settles into a restless sort of equilibrium for a day or so, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it comes in the form of running into Naruhodo at Stronghart's office.

They don't exchange words. They hardly even exchange glances, making eye contact only long enough for him to know Naruhodo definitely saw him, before he resolutely refuses to look at Naruhodo further until he and van Zieks have swept out of the building entirely.

Van Zieks, mercifully, does not question it when he requests to be excused from his duties early. (He chooses not to dwell on how van Zieks has always treated him with true respect, despite how very easily the man could abuse the power he holds over him. It galls him to feel gratitude toward someone for simply not taking advantage of the ways they could exploit him, but this is the position he finds himself in these days.) He's able to double back soon enough that it's possible Naruhodo will still be in his meeting with Stronghart, or near enough in the general area--

There. As he skirts through the alleyways on the way back to the clock tower, he sees Naruhodo walking his way down one of the well-lit main streets--apparently he's learned. (Good.) Unfortunately, it doesn't help much when there's still nobody around to witness anything, and it's easy enough for him to slip into a side street ahead of Naruhodo's path and wait--a situation he's aware feels eerily similar to the one Naruhodo had already found himself in just days ago.

He says a silent apology for doing this to the man again, and then at the right time, steps up to Naruhodo from behind. One hand claps over his mouth and the other grabs onto his arm as he pulls Naruhodo back into the alleyway.

At least, he wastes no time in hissing into Naruhodo's ear:]

Be quiet. It's me.

[...He'll wait until he's sure Naruhodo won't struggle before he releases him, though.]

[Frankly it's a miracle Ryunosuke doesn't blow his cover. Not because he has any intention of ratting the poor guy out, but because his expressions are so often such an open book to anyone who looks at him, it's clear as day that he's spooked about something.

Somehow, he manages to get through his meeting with Lord Stronghart without any questions being raised on the matter of his behavior. Thank goodness for that, because facing the Lord Chief Justice without Susato-san around to handle the conversational pleasantries and translate Ryunosuke's stammering for him is stressful enough as is... To say nothing of the fact that the man holds Ryunosuke's future and career in one finely gloved hand...

Sadly he has less progress to show for his study efforts than usual, mostly owing to how his thoughts the last few days have been consumed by that late night encounter, turning it over in his head. It's one thing to tell himself that he'll just have to trust Kazuma and be patient for answers, but it's another to live day to day with the uncertainty, oscillating wildly between hope and disbelief, wondering if he might have just imagined the whole thing somehow.

Well... Now he knows for sure that he didn't. But seeing Lord van Zieks, of all people, in such company... That's certainly a surprise. Ryunosuke isn't sure what to make of that whole arrangement yet, but it is at least a relief to know that he has some means of contacting the man, should he ever need to...

...Actually, no. That's a chilling thought. Wouldn't that require calling upon Lord van Zieks outside of court? Yikes.

He's walking down the street thinking this over (sufficiently distracted from his bad habit of post-Stronghart bric-a-brac purchasing, for once), when he does start to get the eerie sense that he's being... Watched. After his encounter with those thugs the other night he's suitably more leery about being alone after dark, but he can't actually see anyone in the vicinity--]

MMMPHH--!

[It's a good thing he speaks up as quick as he does, the urgent demand for quiet in that familiar voice prompting Ryunosuke to break off his alarmed protests with a confused squeak. He stops trying to squirm to free, but he does still try to twist to catch the other man's eye with a meaningful look. His eyes are wild, blown wide open, his nostrils flared; he seems to be asking, what the hell, man?!]

[He releases Ryunosuke as soon as it's clear he isn't going to make a fuss. He also steps away several paces, as a concession for doing further damage to the man's nerves. Listen: at least he's aware when he's being unhinged. Sometimes.

He still doesn't apologize, though. At least not yet. He has more important concerns first.

...Or, at least, he's opening his mouth to voice them...]

[Turning on his heel, Ryunosuke whirls to face him properly and... Immediately starts shouting. But, like. In a whispered voice? Because he is still trying to respect the request for quiet.]

Wh... What on Earth was that for!? You couldn't have just tried signaling and beckoned me down here like a normal person might do? You nearly gave me a heart attack just now!

[...His mouth hangs open for a few moments more, until Ryunosuke finishes his tirade. Then he closes it, as something like remorse (or maybe it's closer to embarrassment?) floods him.

He... probably should have done that. It would have been smarter, among other things.

Rather than resume his previous interrogation, he offers a short but solemn bow from the waist, at just the right angle to convey that his contrition is sincere.]

You're right. I apologize for approaching you this way. I needed to be discreet.

[He'll let Ryunosuke say the rest of his piece, whatever it might be, before he tries to rerail the conversation.]

[He... Really wasn't expecting a sincere apology right off the bat like that. He deflates, relenting almost at once, despite the adrenaline surge keeping his nerves on edge.]

It's... [He sighs.] It's alright, just... Bear it in mind next time. Please.

[For the sake of his poor little mousey heart. HE'S A VERY NERVOUS MAN.]

[He lets out a long exhale as he straightens up, his eyes still on the ground as he thinks. He does still have questions, but Ryunosuke's reaction was surprising enough that it somehow punctured his sense of urgency, and now he's forced to think back and acknowledge that he's really been pretty rude to the man since the moment they met. It's not something he regrets, exactly, but he does have to allow this Naruhodo some leeway for being upset, considering the situations he keeps finding himself in.

He can be less harsh, at the very least. He owes Naruhodo that much. He takes one more moment to breathe out another sigh before he finally looks up to meet Ryunosuke's eyes.]

Did you say anything to Stronghart?

[At least, his voice now is the calmest it's been yet.]

[Ryunosuke waits patiently for him to say his bit, watching him curiously. The pause also gives him time to settle his own nerves and stop his heart from racing quite so fast, which is needed... Although the fact that the two of them are speaking again is cause enough for his pulse to quicken.

At the question, he straightens up a bit, blinking rapidly in surprise.]

To Lord Stronghart...? What, about... You? Of course not, I mean-- I won't lie and tell you it wasn't a surprise to see you there with Lord van Zieks, but...

[...It's more of a relief than he was expecting it to be. He'd allowed himself to hope, after days without any sign that Stronghart was aware he'd slipped up, that Ryunosuke was as good as his word, but it's something else to have verbal confirmation.]

Thank you.

[...

That was really all he needed. The smart thing to do now would be to leave again, before Naruhodo can drag anything else out of him, but he finds, suddenly, that he doesn't actually want to do that. He's been lingering on their meeting since it happened, too, and as much as he's insisted since that pursuing his own identity doesn't matter in the face of his truer goals...

...It's also true that Ryunosuke Naruhodo is the first person he's had anything resembling a real conversation with since he first woke up in Hong Kong without even a name. He finds, now that his own panic over the situation has broken, that he is suddenly a little more reluctant to simply walk away from that again.

So. Naruhodo has proven himself worthy of at least a little trust. He can do his part in turn, perhaps, and offer something to a man whose only crime is grieving a friend.]

I suppose you have some questions for me.

[...That's why he jumped him and dragged him into this alley? Just to make certain that he hadn't said mentioned anything about their encounter to Stronghart? 'Peculiar' doesn't do an adequate job of describing that behavior, but if he has to start somewhere...

Ryunosuke cocks his head, frowning slightly.]

...More than just "some", I'd say.

[He hesitates before continuing, worried that the sentiment he wants to impart might be a bit too... Forward, given the uncertainty between them. But...]

Truthfully, I... I'm glad to see you again. Last we spoke, I didn't even get your name, though I gave you my own. You simply claimed to not recognize the name "Kazuma"...

[His jaw clenches as he crosses his arms. He should have known Naruhodo would go right for the question he can't answer. (He doesn't stop to dwell on why his stomach twists when Naruhodo says he's glad to see him again.

For one thing, he shouldn't be glad to see someone who has really only threatened him.)]

It's the truth. I don't recognize that name.

[It feels like a lie, even though it's not. At the least, he's not answering the question Naruhodo clearly means to ask, and he's not even being subtle about the dodge. His gaze flicks guiltily away again.]

If it's mine you want, I can't give it to you. I'm sorry.

[The folded arms, and the tensed jaw... Ryunosuke's heart flutters with elation. This really is the spitting image of Kazuma, it's uncanny.

Strangely, he finds himself rather unsurprised by the response. Disappointed, perhaps, but not surprised.]

...I see.

[ He says it softly, searching the masked man's face closely. Even if he was being subtle about it, Ryunosuke has gotten significantly better at reading people's reactions by this point, and he already has some suspicions as to why he might say such a thing anyway... It's just a matter of asking the right questions to draw out what he really wants to know.

He pauses to take a deep breath before speaking again, eyes fluttering shut a moment as he thinks. When they open once more, his gaze has sharpened, bearing a steely glint of determination.]

Alright... Then let me ask you this: why can you not give it to me? Is your name some sort of classified secret? Or... Is the true reason perhaps... That you lack a name entirely?

[He flinches before he can stop himself, his eyes snapping back up to Ryunosuke's face in shock.

How did he know? He's sure he hasn't said anything directly that could give his amnesia away--the only explanation is that Naruhodo is simply so certain of his conclusion that he took his own lack of recognition as evidence of it. But that just isn't possible, surely--his face has remained covered, and they've barely exchanged words. How can Naruhodo already be so convinced that he is his dead friend?

Moreover, how is it possible that he's almost certainly correct?]

I...

[But he's taken too long to respond, and that's enough to incriminate himself. Even if he could come up with a convincing lie right now, his own silence has already betrayed him; he's as good as confirmed Ryunosuke's accusation. His fists clench at his sides in frustration before he expels a final breath and slumps, defeated.]

You're... right. I don't remember my name.

[It sounds like a joke, but the admission feels like pulling teeth. It's not as if it's something to be ashamed of, but he finds himself dreading Naruhodo's reaction just the same.]

[Ryunosuke sucks in a short breath of astonishment, his chest swelling with a feeling of renewed hope.

So he was right.

He's rooted to the spot, not daring to budge an inch, a strangely intense look overcoming his features. That steely glint from before has turned to something more desperate, frantic, and it's all he can do to keep his hands from shaking at his sides. He takes another deep breath, before doggedly continuing to press:]

I... I see. Then... I realize this is an extremely intrusive request for me to make, but... Sir. Please... If, if you would allow me to see your face, just for a moment...! It may very well answer a great deal of questions for the both of us...

[His eyes are pleading, and bright with emotion.]

[He stiffens, and the answer is immediate.]

No.

[...He certainly can't bring himself to look at what that would do to Naruhodo's expression now. It feels so cruel, to keep that final confirmation from him after all he's already put the man through, especially when Naruhodo has only proven himself to be trustworthy. He's already kept one secret from Stronghart, and he would probably keep this one--one that he already knows the answer to, anyway.

But it's one thing to have breached his agreement with Stronghart on accident, and another to do so again deliberately. It's simply not a gesture of trust he's willing to make yet--not for anyone, and certainly not for Naruhodo, when he still isn't fully sure what his relationship with the man was.

(And there is another reason, that he doesn't want to voice even to himself: What if he's still wrong? What if this is all a horrible misunderstanding, a cosmic joke, and he isn't Kazuma at all and the attachment Naruhodo feels for the man isn't meant for him? He doesn't know if he could bear to be left adrift again, after crushing the only hope he's let himself feel in nine months. His entire life.)]

...Oh.

[He'd asked with such conviction and such feeling behind the request, it almost feels factually incorrect, somehow, that he would get a response in the negative. If this guy has no memories, surely he must be dying for answers as well... So, why...?

It's tempting to become petulant about it. His emotions running high as they are, it wouldn't be much of a leap to grow agitated and become all the more insistent about it. Indeed, the look of pain that briefly passes over his face would be in line with a more desperate tone, but he manages to temper himself.]

...S-sorry. Of course, it was impertinent of me to ask...

[It's hard to keep the disappointment out of his voice. What the heck is he supposed to ask next, after getting shot down like THAT?]

[Well. He certainly doesn't need to be looking at him to hear the hurt in Naruhodo's voice. He grimaces, guilt curling its way deeper into his chest.

Give him something, he tells himself.]

It isn't... It's not you. [He doesn't know how else to say it. He pulls the edge of his hood further down over his eyes, a little self-consciously, like it can shield him further.]

I've been forbidden to speak or show my face to anyone. If I'm found out then I could be...

[What? Deported? It seems like such a strange thing to fear, especially to the point that he's even willing to live by these ridiculous conditions. He's sure Naruhodo wouldn't understand if he said so. No one else on his long, grueling journey here has ever understood why he's willing to go to such lengths just to get to London--over even trying to learn his own name. Even he doesn't understand.

Eventually he'd just stopped bothering trying to explain himself. Whether or not anyone understands him hardly makes a difference in the end.]

It doesn't matter. I'm risking enough just by talking to you.

[Typical of Ryunosuke, he's quick to forget his own disappointment the very moment he senses even the slightest hint of distress from someone he's determined to care about. Eyes that were glazed with pain now flick up to the masked man's obscured face, sharpening at once to a crystal clear focus.]

Wait, but that's-- That's awful. Forbidden from speaking... Whatever for?! And by whom? Not Lord van Zieks, surely--!

[He cuts off, because even voicing that name in doubt feels wrong. Van Zieks may be aloof, cold, even, but. In his heart, Ryunosuke can't imagine him demanding such a thing.

No... There really can only be one culprit, actually, if he thinks about it. Yet another leap that is not all difficult to make, given the masked man's whole motivation for dragging him into this alley in the first place.]

...Lord Stronghart. That's why you were so concerned that I might have spoken to him, isn't it?

[He's hardly surprised this time that Naruhodo figured that one out. It was the only possible answer, really. He huffs out a laugh, but it's bitter; it's not a very funny joke.]

I'm an illegal alien without an identity. I'm not even supposed to be here. Lord Stronghart has... generously allowed me to stay, as long as I follow certain conditions.

[It's definitely an equitable agreement with no duress involved whatsoever. What's the problem, Ryunosuke?]

[...Conditions that he continues to break the longer the two of them stand here and have this conversation. There's significance to that choice, and Ryunosuke doesn't fail to note that, nor appreciate it. And it's telling: the man is just as hungry for answers as he is, but something is holding him back from pursuing them fully.

Thumb and forefinger resting thoughtfully at his chin, his eyes close for a moment.]

But that... That doesn't make any sense.

[He falls quiet. There are a lot of pieces to put together here, and with his thoughts racing wildly about, Ryunosuke's brow furrows severely as he tries to line all the information up in his head.

Lord Stronghart has seen this man's face, and he's the one insisting he keeps a disguise because of it. So... Does that mean this man isn't Kazuma? Because that's exactly who Lord Stronghart should have been expecting from the start... It seems inconceivable that, with all of the politics tied up in relations between their two empires, Stronghart wouldn't have been sent some sort of photographic print or identifying description from Japan. He must have had some means ready for verifying who Kazuma was, had he made his scheduled arrival, without Ryunosuke turning up in his place. Identifying information would have been delivered alongside all the paperwork for the study tour... And surely a man as precise and detail oriented as the Lord Chief Justice would recognize that face when it appeared before him, even if he was several months tardy after being presumed dead.

So...

There are two options here: either this isn't Kazuma, and Lord Stronghart is risking getting in deep trouble with his colleagues and superiors alike, by harboring an illegal alien for SOME unknown reason... Or this is Kazuma, and Stronghart actively keeping his presence here a secret from Ryunosuke.

...He really doesn't fancy the implication of either of those options. He doesn't want to jump to any hasty conclusions, though...]

Um. If you don't mind my asking... I was just wondering... How exactly is it that you came to be here in London in the first place? Or do your memories not extend back that far?

[His eyes narrow and he holds his breath as he watches the cogs turn in Ryunosuke's mind. Something in him recognizes that the man in front of him is capable of absolutely terrifying perception, and that it might not be good for him if he puts too much together. His heart starts to pound. Is there a chance Naruhodo will confront Stronghart if he suspects him enough? Maybe this was a mistake after all--

At the question, he swallows, willing himself to calm down. He can't change what's already been said, but he can start being more selective with the information he gives again.]

I woke up in a foreign city about... [His eyes flick away. They both know the implication of this timing.] Nine months ago. I got a job on a cargo ship and stayed with them until they took port in Dover. It took me six months.

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